ÉLISE: How can we get out of sexual dissatisfaction?
CHRISTIAN: Searching for orgasm is the best way not to find it.
Even if this intention is unspoken or even completely unconscious, it is almost always the cause of sexual interaction for each partner. There is a kind of obligation of a specific result that can intrude into this precious and intimate moment.
On the contrary, it is necessary to learn to engage in intimacy without expectation, without goal. To remain attentive to the present moment, to be in the feeling of oneself and of the other. This implies not being in the mind, at all, but in the body, intensely.
Searching for orgasm is the best way not to find it.
I don’t totally agree with the widespread saying that the first sexual organ is the brain. In fact, there is so much going on there, apart from chemistry, and the ego plays such an important role, that one is almost certain not to live the present moment with all the attention and intensity it deserves. I would need a little more time to develop this idea, and I will do so soon.
It is important to say that before reaching satisfaction with one’s partner, it is essential to learn how to reach it alone. It goes through the awakening of one’s own body, through self-exploration, in order to put words on one’s pleasure and thus be able to guide the other. Because if one is dissatisfied with oneself, there is little chance that one will be with one’s partner.
... everyone is responsible for their own pleasure!
Dissatisfaction also sets in over time. After the “honeymoon” phase, we get used to certain habits that lead to monotony – not ideal! This dissatisfaction will eventually turn into frustration, acting like a withdrawal. From there, a real sense of lack can set in and from this frustration, emotional, psychic and somatic problems are born. Being willing to transcend and reinvent oneself is the key!