What’s worse than not being able to really be ourselves? It can be difficult to confidently affirm who we are when we’re out in public or with others. In order to be accepted we conform, we limit ourselves, we constrain ourselves. We often keep silent in order to feel accepted.
In today’s blog, La Casa Dorada focuses on a social phenomenon that increasingly tends to abolish the binarity between genders and broaden the spectrum of sexuality.
Firstly, we need to clearly differentiate between gender identity “who I am” and sexual orientation “who I desire”. For example, Transgender people can be heterosexual, gay, bisexual etc., just like cisgender people.
Thus, the days when people claimed to be simply a woman or a man are long gone. Today we can identify ourselves as:
The gender felt by a person that corresponds to the sex assigned at birth.
A person whose gender identity does not correspond, or no longer corresponds to the gender assigned at birth.
- GENDER FLUID
A person whose gender identity is changing from masculine to feminine, or even neutral gender.
And sexual orientation, in addition to the classics of heterosexuality, homosexuality and bisexuality, has seen the emergence of a whole range of terms in order to respect everyone’s preferences, such as:
- FLEXIBLE HETERO/HOMO
A hetero who may occasionally be tempted by a homosexual relationship and vice versa.
An individual who may be attracted, emotionally or sexually, to an individual of any sex or gender.
A person who is not capable of being sexually attracted to someone unless they have first created a strong emotional bond.
A person who feels little or no sexual attraction to another person and/or to themselves, with variants such as aceflux, greyasexual, akoisexual…
These are all qualifiers (and the list is non-exhaustive) which assert a willingness on the part of each person to live their identity and experience their sexuality according to their personal feelings and tendencies.
Non-cisgender people stories
But despite this recent opening and liberation, everyone, no matter what they identify with, still suffers from taboos or experiences difficulties linked to their gender identity and/or sexual orientation.
..25 years old, has known he was gay since childhood and even though he claims to live in a more tolerant society, he still doesn’t feel comfortable being demonstrative in public with his partner or telling his colleagues that he’ll be going on holiday with “his boyfriend” next month.
…who is in her early thirties and defines herself as gender fluid with a demi-sexual orientation, suffers from incomprehension and weariness on the part of potential suitors when signs of attraction arise on first dates. She feels rushed, sometimes even pushed, into intimate interactions too early. She needs time for trust to take hold, but in a consumer society where everything is available right away, it can prove difficult for her to meet patient men. So she often prefers to be more reserved and abstain from dating rather than hinder her limits.
…54 years old, transgender (female to male) with a pansexual orientation, sometimes feels lost and little understood in his own very open and flexible profile. He has difficulty in joining or connecting with a group where he can really be himself. Moreover, he has suffered physical and/or verbal aggression in the past and prefers to be discreet about his own identity. His self-restriction has led to bouts of depression and sessions with a psychologist throughout his life.
A place to understand and/or affirm your identity and sexuality
According to a new study by the Cincinnati Children’s Hospital Medical Center, 30% of transgender youth have made (at least) one suicide attempt in their lifetime.
There is still a real awkwardness associated with sexual identity in our society. It therefore becomes necessary and essential, in addition to simply invoking tolerance, to develop a real sexual education, a real understanding and acceptance around this issue for better personal, physical and psychological health.
This is why Simone and Christian, fervent supporters of the sex-positive community, wanted to create the unique and avant-garde space, “La Casa Dorada“, to allow everyone to explore sensual and sexual expression. It’s a real laboratory for widening the field of possibilities.
In this Neo-Tantric community the social codes usually erected around sexuality are questioned via a space that favours encounters, sharing and discussion, as they are within the various training courses, workshops and retreats offered.
To learn or relearn to know oneself through the mirror of sexuality is an educational, experiential and therapeutic approach to Mindful Sexuality. It encourages us not to lock ourselves up or limit ourselves to a label but to feel our preferences, our differences, to accept them as they are and eventually see them evolve over time, with the aim of feeling free to be ourselves each day that passes. In the end, isn’t that what we all want?